Cancun... Part 1... Advice

Success!! My work pants still fit! I mangaged to have the best time ever, eat and drink whatever I want, not work out a single day, unless you count dancing my face off and at the end of it was still able to fit nicely into my uniform!

First I would like to say congrats to the new Jennifer "Askey" Bostyan and Lucas "Askey" Bostyan!

I just got back from Cancun, Mexico. What a trip! I have so many things to tell you so I am going to break this blog into parts! Here we go... Part 1!

I had finished up a trip on Wednesday evening and was dying with anticipation for my alarm to ring at 5:15 am. A cab picked me up outside of the crashpad and my trip began! I thought that I would have plenty of time but JFK is a New Yorker crazed airport…. full of people in foul moods and dressed like the are attending a funeral. I bounced in the airport brightly dressed, huge smile on my face and ready for some sun! I arrived at the gate and the flight crew was very nice and pleasant. They immediately began to give me advice while I was in Mexico. It went something like this 1) DO NOT go anywhere alone. 2) Stay on the resort if at all possible 3) avoid the police at all cost. Little did I know that I would break two of the rules on the first night…….

My name was called and I jumped up to get my seat assignment. I was so excited… I walk down the jet bridge and there were probably 10 police officers with 3 dogs waiting for everyone to walk past, just to give us a little sniff. I start thinking about what the flight crew had told me before and was just sniffed on my way to the plane… Is Mexico that scary?

We land and the hot air smacks you right in the face. I instantly have swamp ass…. So I get to customs and of course I pick the slowest line possible… I make it through and head outside having no idea what I am about to walk into. I make my way through all the wandering people, god that drives me insane. I swear people check their brains with their bags. At this point I have no idea who am suppose to look for, I am drenched in sweat, frustrated and ready for a beer. I just begin to wander taking in the scene. Maybe I checked my brain too. I walk out the door and I am immediately ambushed. “Senorita, senorita would you like a ride?” Ah! Carumba,  totally confused a senor finds me and grabs my bag, I didn’t even have time to say no. He takes off with it and I am chasing after him (he was a quick little senor)… I start to laugh a little because I don’t think he realized how much my bag weighed. I could see the sweat just pouring off of him carrying that thing around at 100 miles a hour. He probably thought it can’t weigh that much, she is only little… but seriously meg, how can bathing suits weigh that much…. Ooops! I finally catch him and explain to him that I booked a shuttle and give him my name. Of course no record of my reservation. Great how am I going to get there…I am about to be taken to the cleaners on this one and about to go postal. I look up and I swear it was sparkling, there was a bar!!!!! I excuse myself and order my first cerveza, Pacifico! God that first sip was flantastic. I look over and the senor with my bag is setting up a ride for me.

First thing I see as we are leaving the airport is this…….Where else in the world would you ever see that!

ps. this is an Air Traffic Control Tower (for those of you who didn't know, now you know!)

I could not wait to see everyone! I get to the Gran Real Caribe and dropped all my stuff off at the room. I was staying with Mr. Pebbles, Daddy and Goobs. No one was in the room so thought I would find them at the pool. It didn’t take too long, must be my James Bond skills. Jen came running up drink in hand! As CNA (Chuck Norris Askey) would say all weekend, "It’s a party”! I threw on my suit and headed to the pool. Immediately the drinks start coming. With an all inclusive hotel you do not have to pay for a thing, just tip every so often. It was the weirdest yet most amazing feeling. We spent the morning at the pool and then decided to grab some lunch. After lunch we made our way down to the beach. It was a little windy, but beautiful. The water was so blue and the sand was so white. We had our own private Bostyan cabana and it was in the best location. There was a little beach bar right next to us and a volleyball net. The best part was, as we looked around, right behind us… it was a glorious sight, I think it was sparkling too… yes a beer pong table. What more could you ask for? Beer Pong with endless amounts of free beer! Congrats to Mr. Pebbles, Amanda and myself for running the table! Lets just say it started the night off right!

After a full day of sun and drinking it was time for dinner. We all met in Jen & Lucas’s amazing room and enjoyed a few beverages. In all of the rooms they had 4 liqour bottles hanging upside down and in a little mini fridge are mixers and beer = It’s a party (CNA)! We visited for a little while and made our way to the restaurant.

After dinner we met in the lobby and had a great visiting session! It was so nice to see everyone and meet all of Lucas’s Big Sky friends! But I was starting to feel a full day of drinking and sun. Lucas wanted to go out, it was his only night he would be able to go. He also has a way of talking me into doing anything, whatever the groom wants the groom gets. So I put my party pants on and got a second wind.  Two of the boys went to their rooms to change. One in blue leather snake pants, J-Wow and the other in cut off jeans, cowboy boots and sleeveless biker button down shirt, Mr. Pebbles.

This would be the first piece of advice that I did not follow...I left the resort. We got a cab and they dropped us off at Daddy-O’s. We figured we had to go there for Daddy's sake! As soon as we got out of the cab we were immediately harassed and people were trying to wheel and deal. The first guy wanted 45 dollars all you can drink for Daddy-O’s and 49 for two more place including Daddy-O’s… us being pilots said oh hell no…. I let the boys handle this one. While I was waiting for what we thought would be the deal of the century I took in the scene. I was in shock, there was a tug on my shorts and it was a 7 year old little girl. She was out with drunk ass people like us at 1 am trying to sell friendship bracelets. I couldn’t believe my eyes… What in the world? Who lets their 7 year old children see this hot mess….

The boys somehow made a deal… 20 dollars all we can drink. Jones up.. lets do this! The guy wanted us to follow him. We began walking down the street and we walked past a club with people dancing on the bar and it looked crazy. I know we are going to have a blast and I start looking for my spot on the bar…. Then I notice that we keep walking past more clubs further and further from Daddy-O’s. Wait a tick, I asked, um… where are we going? He pointed to a little porch area with not a single soul in the place. I guess you get what you pay for. We still rocked the place. I mean tore it up. Dancing on stage, the shower came out… jersey turnpikin, lucas gave us a vanilla ice performance, Bruggeman pole dancing, Diapers dancing with a crazy man and Sha-Wow gettin straight down!

While we were dancing there were these women that came out of nowhere… not dressed in very much, gross, and shoved a shot glass down Amanda’s shirt and shoved Bruggeman’s face into it. Then she stuck a shot glass down his pants and forced Amanda to take that one… then asks for 20 dollars…. What? I see him start to argue with her. They are so pushy around here and will do anything to squeeze a dollar out of you.

By the end of the night the dance floor was so sticky your shoes would stick to it. Goobs flip flop came apart because of it. I also think I was wearing more of the drinks than what had been drunk. We finally decided to leave… as Mr. Pebbles would say “ my dogs were barking”. Shockingly I wanted to walk home, which thank god no one listened to me and we got a cab. There were 6 of us at this point all piled into this little cab. Daddy in the front pumping the jams and Goobs, Do Do, Diapers, Mr Pepples and myself all in the back. All of the sudden I turn around and see cop lights behind us  and another cop truck pulls up next to us and with a speaker phone yells something in Spanish. Oh dear god…

To be continued.......
Simply,
Meg